These are three from Elizabeth Meadows Rouse. Between shoots on The Sopranos and Law and Order: SVU, Elizabeth appeared in several of our bytes—as the Herman Melville fan who needs to be put down on Wall Street in Tranquilizing a Tourist and as Elizabeth Rousie, PhD, at the United Nations in the The Obscene Elephant.
Elizabeth is also a guide, one who has come to resent the humiliation that confronts her in the city's numerous security tents. Invariably, during the security for the ferries out to the Statue, the metal detector loudly detects her bra's underwire and she's forced to stand with her arms out to the side: "So then I get 'wanded' in front of all these adolescents and it beeps as it runs over my ample breasts. Everyone looking, giggling...great way to start the day."
Here's a story she sent me about the tent at the United Nations:
“I must admit from time to time I do join in on the fun in Chinatown and pick up a trinket or two. Sometimes for others at Christmas, once a backpack for myself, even a hair piece that to date is one of my top most useful girlie items in my bag of tricks. This particular time I am walking by a vendor who had these cool lighters. They were very art deco looking and the feel of the button snapping made me feel like a class act. Ten Dollah? Thank yew! The tour continues and I fall into bed at the end of the day per usual.
"Next day, up early and off to take my group to the United Nations. Has your mind raced ahead yet? That's right, Rousie forgot to take the lighter out of her bag. As I go through security, and my bag gets scanned, there's a pause. Another guard is called over to see the x-ray. Whispers. My heart beats faster. What are they saying? Please don't pull out the feminine hygene products in front of the little boy next to me. They pull the lighter out of my bag. Oh yeah! Oops! Now I'm with school children and already mortified that this marks me as a smoker. I want to set a good example, and don't want them to think I sneak a cigarette any time their backs are turned. This was the LEAST of my troubles.
"It seems my fancy, classy, art deco, snappy lighter had a secret and dark side. If you pushed the button straight down, the fire came out the top. If you pushed said button to the side a magic little SWITCHBLADE flipped forward. Now the guard feels the need to demonstrate the many talents of my lighter for me in front of my entire group. I'm whispering, 'Please, just take it. I had no idea. Illegal? Please can you hold it a little lower? I'm the tour guide for these children...'
"Dear God in heaven, it's the blonde leading the blind."
My favorite Elizabeth story took place shortly after the events of September 11th. Many tour companies during that time directed their guides to avoid saying anything that might remind the guests about terrorism on the way out to the airports. Any words regarding their safety were stricken from farewells. "Get home safely," for example, became "Enjoy your flight."
Elizabeth's goodbye as the coach pulled into the airport was always, "I hope everyone gets home safely." On this particular day in the fall of 2001, Elizabeth began her goodbye and then remembered she couldn't say "safely," so she stopped herself abruptly and the guests instead heard: "I hope everyone gets home."
So much worse.
:D Interesting, the ending part. Tour guiding can be work of fun, so long as the stupid things do not go beyond common sense.
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local guides, local wisdom
Posted by: jean | January 05, 2009 at 04:08 AM
It's all Oprah's fault you know. She told us all to go to this special bra shop and I ended up spending over $100 a piece. I call it my "Full Metal Jacket".
Posted by: Elizabeth | January 09, 2009 at 07:53 AM