Here's a walking tour for April 1st from guest writer, Doug Nervik, who appeared in several of my favorite Little Bytes--as the passerby who knows it all in Hot Dog Real Estate and as Doug McCain who gives four hour tours of one block on 46th in The One Block Specialist.
Here's Doug:
Invariably when a group of NYC tour guides and city aficionados gather, the talk will turn to the good old days of Times Square--not to the era of Oscar Hammerstein’s vaudeville and rooftop gardens, not to the peak theatrical years of the 1920s, not even to the post WWII years of Rodgers and that other Hammerstein.
No, what they reminisce about is the Seventies and Eighties, just before 42nd Street began its transformation into a theme park, the time before The Lion King and the new New Amsterdam, before Madame Tussaud's and the New Victory, Cold Stone Creamery and the wild colors and shapes of the Westin Hotel.
This was the seedy, run-down, decrepit 42nd Street, "the deuce" as the cools guys knew it. It was where the old theaters were grinding out porn and kung fu 24 hours a day, where gangs of young tough kids were heading nowhere and everywhere. Sure, it was dirty and dangerous, but dammit, it was real and we were there!
Remember? Sort of?
Well, not to worry. On the southwest corner of Eighth Avenue and West 40th Street--catercorner from the sleek lines of Renzo Piano's New York Times building--lies a delightfully seedy stretch of shops which will bring you back to the glory days of the strip. Breathe in the sights, sounds, and odors of times gone by on the gay White Way.
Start your tour at 300 West 40th Street, just south of the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Here you will find a retail establishment named "DVD VIDEO." The store makes clever use of bare fluorescent tubes for lighting--nothing says "pre-Internet porn" like fluorescent lighting. The shop offers much to the interested consumer, like the "Best Price In Town" for various racy videos, lingerie, and fetish DVD's. Just like the old days!
One sign proclaims "We Specialized In The Unique and Unusual." As to whether they still do, I'm not sure, but it is good to know that at one point they were able to make that commitment. It reminds one of the awnings on 42nd Street which used to advertise "Amature" videos. DVD VIDEO also promises "The Largest Collection." Just that. The largest collection. Of what? Again, I'm not certain, but God bless them for setting a goal and achieving it.
Continue walking west and you will discover Athens Liquors. A waist-pocket-sized store for liquor perfectly complements the shabby chic atmosphere established by DVD VIDEO. This store does not disappoint the reminiscing tourist. It has sputtering neon signs for Smirnoff Vodka and Maker's Mark, and the store offers free delivery. Imagine being holed up in your hotel and having Thunderbird brought right to your very room! The heavy security gates and rusted silver locks put the finishing touches on this now rare emporium. If the Landmarks Preservation Commission lets this one go, I will lose my faith in their judgment.
Getting hungry? After enjoying the first two stores along our route, you now come to Weng's Palace, an aptly named though misspelled eatery for this block. This Chinese restaurant is also intimate and lit by fluorescent bulbs. The several tables which sit in front of the counter are worn but serviceable. Above the counter are faded transparencies of the culinary offerings: Singapore Rice Noodles, Hot and Spicy Chicken, Sesame Chicken. The fragrances gently suggest that this place has been in operation for many years. Many years. Don't forget to ask for the free wet naps, and don't forget to throw away your warped Styrofoam plates.
Continue walking west to find the gold standard of this marvelous row: Discount DVD & Video. Does the name of this store remind you of another one recently visited? Actually, they are quite different. The first store was called DVD VIDEO. This new store has elevated itself in a number of ways, not least of which by adding the ampersand between DVD and Video. As one cannot explain great art, one cannot explain how the addition of this simple piece of punctuation changes the tone and feeling of the place. It simply does. Also, they have added "discount" to the store's name. Who would not step in, given the promise of lower prices on DVD's? Why pay top dollar at DVD VIDEO when you can pay less at Discount DVD & Video? Business school sometimes pays off.
Discount DVD & Video distinguishes itself further by sporting three huge display windows completely surrounded by colorful neon tubes. Like fitting rooms in fine clothing boutiques, Discount DVD & Video offers "preview booths." A customer can try on his particular bit of debauchery and perversion before purchasing. This is the personal shopping experience we wistfully remember from Show World, circa 1983.
The icing on the cake for Discount DVD & Video is the addition of the strands of Christmas winking and blinking along every straight line of the two store-wide awnings. This is what you have come to expect when longing for the old days of 42nd Street. The large white banner emblazoned with red letters on the second floor is less effective. It hangs over the air conditioner which turns the DVD into VD--certainly not unrelated to the store's goods, but probably not the best message for sales.
And thus ends our picturesque promenade. For our next April 1st tour: the bathrooms at Port Authority.
Thank you for this lovely walk down memory lane.
May I add to Mr Nervik's well-researched, delightful and engaging peregrination? He neglected to notice that this is one of the few areas of NYC that still maintains a dress code: Latex must be worn over any bodily protuberance or orifice. But not to worry, Suitable dress is available for purchase in every emporium on this block.
I have dined at Weng's[sic] Palace. Better than a high colonic.
With all best wishes on this, the date in 1789 when the House of Representatives first met in Federal Hall on Wall St.
The good old days: not entirely gone nor forgotten in spirit or fact.
Posted by: H.P. | April 01, 2009 at 09:16 PM